The Denver Altitude Adjustment: Deflategate Revenge Tour Denied

Official Record - January 24, 2016

The Patriots, still dealing with Deflategate nonsense, traveled to Denver in the midst of a revenge tour. The Broncos' defense decided revenge tours end in the Rocky Mountains.

Final Score: Broncos 20, Patriots 18

Von Miller Sacks: Too many

Dynasty District Oxygen Levels: Low (from altitude and sadness)

Town Council Reaction:

"We scored 18 points. EIGHTEEN. Against Denver's defense. Correction: against Von Miller. Just Von Miller. He's a one-man defense. Motion to request altitude adjustment compensation from the NFL. Motion fails because that's not a thing."

The Deflategate Context

The 2015 season was played under the shadow of Deflategate. Tom Brady's suspension looming. The Patriots with something to prove.

Dynasty District's Mindset:

Angry
Motivated
Ready to prove everyone wrong
Scored 18 points (not ideal)

The defense was incredible. The offense... struggled. Von Miller happened.

The Altitude Excuse (That We're Totally Using)

Emergency Town Council Meeting, January 25, 2016:

"Whereas the game was played in Denver, and whereas Denver is located at 5,280 feet above sea level, and whereas that's higher than Dynasty District, and whereas we need an excuse for losing, be it resolved that:

The altitude affected our performance (official stance).

Von Miller is added to the 'Players Who Destroyed Our Offense' list (subsection: Pass Rushers Who Ruined Everything).

Peyton Manning won but we're choosing to focus on Von Miller because Peyton was actually not great in this game.

The defense played amazingly and deserves recognition (they really did).

We're still mad about Deflategate and this loss doesn't help.

Request filed with NFL for altitude compensation rules (expected to be denied)."

Vote: Unanimous (with difficulty breathing from altitude... metaphorically)

Citizen Testimonials

Harold Weatherby, Town Council:

"Our defense held the Broncos to 20 points. In Denver. Against Peyton Manning. That should be enough to win. But Von Miller exists. And he terrorized our offense. I'm not mad at our defense. I'm mad at altitude. And Von Miller. Mostly Von Miller."

Dr. Patricia Walsh, Hospital:

"Treated 73 cases of 'High Altitude Loss Syndrome.' Symptoms include shortness of breath (from sadness, not actual altitude), and repeatedly mentioning Von Miller's name with pained expressions. Treatment: Wait for Super Bowl next year (spoiler: we won that one)."

Police Chief Morrison:

"Quieter than Super Bowl losses but more frustrated. Everyone kept mentioning the altitude like it was a valid excuse. It's not. But we're using it anyway. Official policy."

Tom Berkowitz, Real Estate:

"Listed properties emphasized 'sea level advantages' for a week after the loss. One buyer actually asked if altitude affected playoff performance. I said yes, officially. Sold the house. We're all just making things up now."

Drake Maye (Age 13):

"Von Miller is really good."

Town Council:

"Yes, Drake. When you're the Patriots QB someday, you'll need to deal with pass rushers like Von Miller. Learn from Tom Brady's struggles here. Also, train at altitude. It's in the prophecy now. We're adding it."

Municipal Impact

The Denver loss, combined with ongoing Deflategate drama, created a unique municipal mood:

Department of Public Safety

New Protocols:

"Von Miller Early Warning System" (doesn't help but acknowledges the threat)
Altitude training programs for residents (because why not)
Deflategate support groups continue meeting
"It's Just 2 Points" counseling (those are important in playoffs)

Department of Health

Medical Recognition:

"High Altitude Loss Syndrome" officially recognized
Not actually related to altitude but we're committing to the bit
Symptoms: Frustration, Von Miller nightmares, checking if game was played at sea level
Treatment: Win next year's Super Bowl (we did!)

Department of Athletics

New Requirements:

All youth sports now include altitude training (questionable relevance)
Pass rush simulation drills mandatory
"How to Beat Von Miller" seminars (conclusion: You probably can't)

The Von Miller Problem

Von Miller had 2.5 sacks and was a constant disruptor. Dynasty District added him to official records.

Resolution 2016-01: "The Von Miller Acknowledgment"

"Whereas Von Miller destroyed our offensive line, and whereas he was basically a one-man wrecking crew, and whereas he went on to win Super Bowl MVP, and whereas we're still sad about it, be it resolved that:

Von Miller is officially recognized as terrifying.

His performance is acknowledged as dominant (we hate it).

Future game plans against Von Miller should involve... something. We'll figure it out.

The Broncos' defense was elite (their offense was questionable but defense won).

Altitude definitely affected us (official excuse, sticking to it)."

By The Numbers

The Offensive Struggles:

Points scored: 18 (not enough by 2)
Von Miller impact plays: Too many
Times Brady had clean pocket: Felt like zero
Altitude excuses used: All of them
Actual altitude impact: Probably minimal but we're using it anyway

The Defensive Excellence:

Points allowed: 20 (actually pretty good)
Peyton Manning stats: Not great (he was clearly done)
Von Miller stats: Incredible (he was clearly not done)
Dynasty District's pride in defense: High
Dynasty District's frustration with offense: Higher

The Deflategate Shadow

Playing during the Deflategate saga added extra motivation. And extra frustration when we lost.

Dynasty District's Deflategate Stance:

Completely overblown
Scientifically questionable
Motivated our team
Still lost in Denver (doesn't help)
Would be vindicated later (eventually)

The loss stung more because of the context. Revenge tour postponed until next year.

Legacy

The Denver loss taught Dynasty District:

Altitude is our official excuse (we're committed)
Von Miller is a problem (major problem)
Defense alone isn't enough (need offense too)
Deflategate revenge would have to wait (until next year)
Two points is a small margin but feels huge (18-20 haunts us)

The Silver Lining

One year later, the Patriots would win Super Bowl LI with the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. The Denver loss motivated the 28-3 comeback (probably).

So thanks, Von Miller? No, we're still mad.

The Prophecy Timeline

Town Charter Update, January 2016:

"Drake Maye, age 13, is now in middle school and showing real quarterback potential. The prophecy gains credibility daily. When he reaches the DDL, he must:

Score more than 18 points in AFC Championships

Develop Von Miller counter-strategies

Train at altitude (just in case)

Prevent 2-point losses

Generally be better than we were in Denver

No pressure, Drake. Well, actually, all the pressure. The prophecy demands excellence."

Drake's Reported Response: "I'm focusing on freshman year."

Town Council: "FRESHMAN YEAR IS CRUCIAL. THE PROPHECY BEGINS IN HIGH SCHOOL."

Closing Thoughts

The Denver loss was close (2 points), frustrating (Von Miller), and contextualized by controversy (Deflategate).

Dynasty District blamed altitude, Von Miller, and bad luck. The Broncos blamed having a better defense.

They were probably right.

But we're still using the altitude excuse.

Official town policy: It was definitely the altitude.

Document filed in the Dynasty District Historical Archives - Official Municipal Record #014

Authenticated by: Martha Donnelly, Town Clerk

In Maye Speramus - And In Sea Level Games We Hope

P.S. - It was definitely the altitude. Don't check the data.

P.P.S. - Von Miller is terrifying. Official acknowledgment.

P.P.P.S. - We won Super Bowl LI the next year so this worked out eventually.